TWLOHA is an organization very near and dear to my heart. Their message and what they do is very inspiring to me, especially since I have been in that place and struggle with my emotions every day. Recently on Twitter I have seen them posting, asking their followers what #PeopleNeedOtherPeople means to them. And I guess, this is what it means to me:
When I was a freshman (maybe early sophomore?) in high school, I was texting my best friend at the time. I was not having a good day. I had said, somewhere in there, that I wanted to kill myself.
Her response?
“Then go ahead and do it already.”
And my response? I sobbed.
And after I collected myself, I realized that was not how I wanted it to end.
Wanna know a secret? Fear is what kept me alive then. Fear of what happens after you die, fear of if it would hurt, fear of how my family would feel. Fear drove my life.
Now, as a sophomore in college, I still have terrible days. My moods can be crazy sometimes. I can be the world’s biggest bitch, know I’m being the world’s biggest bitch, hate myself for being the world’s biggest bitch, but be unable to stop being the world’s biggest bitch.
But love keeps me going.
I love my boyfriend.
I love my friends.
I love my school.
I love my family.
I love being alive. I love experiencing the world. I love excelling.
But those days I’m down? Those days when I’m being the worst? I talk now. I’ll talk to my friends and my boyfriend and my professors and my family and my counselor and through this, I’ll be okay. I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully “okay.” I don’t know if one day I’ll wake up, and that occasional feeling of wanting to die or wanting to hurt myself will be completely gone. I don’t know if that’s something that ever goes away. But I do know that through positive human interaction I can feel better and I WILL BE OKAY. I will be okay. I will survive.
But more than that. I will LIVE.
I need people because they make me want to live when I can’t find any other reason. I need people because they help me find myself. I need people because being alone sucks.
People need other people, and that’s okay.
Oh, and P.S. If you have a person who tells you to “go ahead,” find a new person or new people. I found new people, and I’ve never been happier.
With love, XOXO.
I Believe In Daydreams 