A Midterm Mess

I hear my alarm go off and hope it’s 6 a.m.

NOPE.

8:30 a.m. and I’ve missed my first class.

I’ve come to notice lately that I am perpetually exhausted. I feel overextended and can’t catch up.

I finish the assignment due today and think about how I still need to shower, eat, do another paper, plan what I need to do before tomorrow night, go to my one o’clock class, go to my 2:30 class, go to my five o’clock class, finish my assignments, pack my bags for midterm break, take my pets home, drive 14 hours to where my boyfriend and I are staying…

And I am not relaxed. It is 11 a.m. on a Thursday and by Saturday night I will be on my way to Myrtle Beach. But I don’t know how I’ll possibly make it to Saturday.

My dad hasn’t answered me in days about whether or not my car is done at the shop. Stressor.

I still have a lot of assignments to do by Friday night. Stressor.

I have to work my internship—and an event— on Friday afternoon. Stressor.

I have to take my pets home and (hopefully) get my car after my internship Friday night.  Stressor.

My boyfriend and I have to be back on campus by early Sunday morning so he can work check-out with ResLife. Stressor.

He has to work the game Saturday after check-out but neither of us are packed yet or have the time TO pack. Stressor.

We have to drop his car off at his house before we start the drive down south. Stressor.

I have no money. Stressor.

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining, but I’m reaching a meltdown point. Anxiety flutters through my organs as fear and nerves set in. It’s MIDTERM. Am I on track? I am slated to graduate in December…will I make it? Am I ready? Is this semester going better than the last three? Is my academic record salvageable? Will I ever sleep well through the night again? Will I be able to wake up to my alarm tomorrow? Will I wake up tomorrow?

And then, you see, I spiral out of control as my mind whips around, circle after circle, like an amusement park ride.

One. Two. Breathe. 

This is not permanent. Next week you can relax. But for now, it’s time to clean up this midterm mess.